Quit your day job. Go on. I dare you.

My boss came into the office this afternoon with an iPod Touch. It is, without doubt, the most brilliant hand-held device I’ve ever seen. If you think back to the early days. A landline telephone cordlessly connected to your ear. We’ve come a long way.

Bring on the iPhone. I want one and I want it now. And I don’t want an 18 month contract with O2 either. I need to buy it for £300, unlocked to any SIM card. Even my French one. In fact, I’d even go as far as to buy GPRS service from SFR (the French version of Vodophone) for when I’m NOT in range of an open wireless network. Which is practically never. Even on some of the trains from Brighton there are wi-fi networks.

The Paléo Festival was a great day out, the perfect counterpoint to the very techie work that is making my brain ache at the moment. Sarah and I arrived just in time for the gates to open and left at the end of Björk’s incredible headlining set at the end of the evening.

Her show was as crazy as you’d expect - a 15 piece all female Icelandic brass ensemble dressed in fluorescent boiler suits with flags sticking out of their heads and the little mentallist herself dancing like a 12 year old who has just gone to her first club night and been given some ecstasy. Mesmerising minutes of that trademark sound suddenly breaking into the most mental drum-n-base-dance-laser craziness sending the 10,000 crowd wild. I think I love her.

The first thing that happened today was a know on the door by two middle aged, french Jehovah’s Witnesses. They seemed like nice ladies and I’ve been feeling a little lost and rudderless for a while, so I had a little read of their pamphlet (they were quite chuffed with having an English copy they could give me when I pretended not to know what the hell they were on about).

So here it is in a nutshell. The world’s going to end pretty soon in a hideous Armageddon. Yep, they might be right there. If I submit to their doctrine and lead a righteous life then I needn’t be scared because I get to live in a lovely new post-Armageddon world where there is no sickness, suffering and the dead will be resurrected. Sweet! I think they’ve got a point. It you do choose to live a completely insane life, then the stresses and fears of everyday modern living wouldn’t bother you and you might well show all the symptoms of happiness.

Still fucking mentalists though aren’t they? I’ll choose my own way of coping thanks.

Anyway, so the pamphlet is obviously full of ridiculous religio-babble craziness and completely impenetrable, but I did quite like some of the pictures. And with a bit of scanner magic and modern flickr-izastion, I have compiled a short slide-show you can watch in 2 minutes that will give you good solid grounding in the Jehovah’s Witness message and allow you to decide for yourself….. You can view it here, but make sure you click the info button in the middle to get the full message. Here’s my favourite pic…..