I’m feeling a little under the weather today, so I thought I’d go to the Sports Centre in town and have a sauna. That normally sorts me out when I’m getting a cold. Trouble is… I forgot until I arrived and saw all the signs that the French have got some weird thing about board shorts being un-hygienic in pools and force everyone to wear nut-huggers.

So I had to play hide and seek with the staff, running around in my non-regulation red board shorts hiding behind doors and sneaking into the sauna rooms and whatnot. After an hour or so, when I was ready to leave anyway I got a bit blasé about my crimes and was sitting around in the relax room cooling down when sure enough some miserable jobsworth came up and told me to foxtrot oscar cos I wasn’t wearing nut-huggers.

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